if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
