Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
