I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
