I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
