My liver just broke up with me...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
