I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
