Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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