idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
