What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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