Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
