Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
