I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
