Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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