i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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