I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
