We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
