I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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