The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
