She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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