VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
