I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
