Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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