I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
