Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
