i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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