This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if only i could text you this smell
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
