We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
a search helicopter?!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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