That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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