I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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