i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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