the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
NoShamevember. You game?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pants are for mortals
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
