I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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