I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
