I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize