Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
