I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
