I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
