I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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