I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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