Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
