Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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