Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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