i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
