Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we're so committed to being not committed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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