i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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