The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
