I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
