if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
