woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
