Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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