Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So vagazzling was a success
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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