so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
