i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
