The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
