I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
