it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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