"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
