Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
