As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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