Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
