Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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