sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
