dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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