I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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